djdonny
Joined: September 4th, 2004
Posts: 721
Location: Staten Island, NY
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| Posted: Thu Dec 22, 2005 5:33 pm Post subject: Bands have more fun |
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Here's a passed-around email I received from my sister, a band singer:
Quote:
>MUSICIANS ARE EXPERT MIND READERS
> >
> > When requesting a song from the band, just say "play
> > my song!" We have a chip implanted in our heads with
> > an unlimited database with the favorite tunes of every
> > patron who ever walked into a bar and all songs ever
> > recorded, so feel free to be vague, we love the
> > challenge. If we do not remember exactly what tune you
> > want, we're only kidding.
> >
> > Bands know every song ever recorded, so keep humming.
> > Hum harder if need be... it helps jog the memory
> >
> > If a band tells you they do not know a song you want
> > to hear, they either forgot that they know the tune or
> > they are just putting you on. Try singing a few words
> > for the band. Any words will do.
> >
> > It also helps to scream your request from across the
> > room several times per set followed by the phrases,
> > "AW COME ON!" and, "YOU SUCK!" Exaggerated hand
> > gestures expressing disapproval from the dance floor
> > are a big help as well, such as the thumbs down or
> > your middle finger. Put-downs are the best way to jog
> > a band's memory. This instantly promotes you to the
> > status of "Personal Friend Of The Band."
> >
> > Entertainers are notorious fakers and jokesters and
> > never really prepare for their shows. They simply walk
> > on stage with no prior thought to what they will do
> > once they arrive. An entertainer's job is so easy,
> > even a monkey could do it, so don't let them off the
> > hook easily. Your request is all that matters.
> >
> > If a metal band had played at the club a few weeks
> > ago, the next band that follows will automatically
> > know every metal tune the previous band ever played,
> > even if the current band is a blues or country band.
> > It's the law. Feel free to yell "AC/DC!" or "SLAYER!"
> > to a band that plays strictly originals or jazz for
> > example. Conversely, Deadheads may yell for Grateful
> > Dead tunes at a dance or metal band.
> >
> > IMPORTANT
> >
> >
> > When an entertainer leans over to hear you better,
> > grab his or her head in both hands and yell directly
> > into their ear, while holding their head securely so
> > they cannot pull away. This will be taken as an
> > invitation to a friendly and playful game of tug of
> > war between their head and your hands. Don't give up!
> > Hang on until the singer or guitar player submits.
> > Drummers are often safe from this fun game since they
> > usually sit in the back, protected by the guitar
> > players. Keyboard players are protected by their
> > instrument,and only play the game when tricked into
> > coming out from behind their keyboards. Though
> > difficult to get them play, it's not impossible, so
> > keep trying. They're especially vulnerable during the
> > break between songs.
> >
> > TALKING WITH THE BAND
> >
> > The best time to discuss anything with the band in any
> > meaningful way is at the middle of a song when all
> > band members are singing at the same time. Our hearing
> > is so advanced that we can pick out your tiny voice
> > from the megawatt wall of sound blasting all around us.
> >
> > Musicians are expert lip readers too. If a musician
> > does not reply to your question or comment during a
> > tune, it's because they didn't get a good look at your
> > mouth in order to read your lips. Simply continue to
> > scream your request and be sure to over emphasize the
> > words with your lips. This helps immensely. Don't be
> > fooled. Singers have the innate ability to answer
> > questions and sing at the same time. If the singer
> > doesn't answer your questions immediately, regardless
> > of how stupid the question may seem, it's because they
> > are purposely ignoring you. If this happens,
> > immediately cop an attitude. We love this.
> >
> > HELPING THE BAND
> >
> > If you inform the band that you are a singer, the band
> > will appreciate your help with the next few tunes, or
> > however long you can remain standing on stage. Just
> > pretend you're in a Karaoke bar. Simply feel free to
> > walk up on stage and join in. By the way, the drunker
> > you are, the better you sound, and the louder you
> > should sing.
> >
> >
> > If by chance you fall off the stage, be sure to crawl
> > back up and attempt to sing harmony. Keep in mind that
> > nothing assists the band more than outrageous dancing,
> > fifth and sixth part harmonies, or a tambourine played
> > out of tempo. Try the cowbell; they love the
> > challenge. The band always needs the help and will
> > take this as a compliment.
> >
> > VERY IMPORTANT
> >
> > Remember to allow enough time to make it from the
> > stage to the bathroom in case of an emergency. On
> > stage accidents are bad form. The band will carry on.
> >
> > BONUS TIP
> >
> > As a last resort, wait until the band takes a break
> > and then get on stage and start playing their
> > instruments. They love this. Even if you are ejected
> > from the club, you can rest assured in the fact that
> > you have successfully completed your audition. The
> > band will call you immediately the following day to
> > offer you a position. See you at the next gig .
Best regards,
John J. Farrell
President
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