How far do you go to help??? WWYD?

Open Discussion for Weddings and other Formal events: Photos, Videos and success stories are welcome! Ask questions and learn from the best.

Moderator: Dave Miller

How far do you go to help??? WWYD?

Postby jbrown157 » Mon May 01, 2006 12:27 pm

Here's the story. The reception was going perfectly. We had done a voiceover for the first dance. Awesome. - there wasn't a dry eye in the house! We got through all the formal stuff and were well into the party. It was time for the Garter & bouquet routine. I mentioned to the Bride (who was out on the dancefloor with the girls) that we should get this done before it got any later. She said that she would like to do it asap. I told her to "Find your husband" (who was nowhere in sight) and we can do it right after the current song was finished. She said, "OK, he's right outside the door - we'll be ready". The song ended and... no B&G. I started another track and sent my assistant out to find them. She found them in the hall lobby having a big fight! The Groom was outside smoking a cigar with his buddies and the Bride was highly upset! They had some harsh words and she became so upset that she asked one of the bridesmaids to take her home. This was becoming a major blowout! Yikes!

This "perfect" night was being ruined because of something stupid. What to do?

Here's what we did. My assistant managed to convince them to come back into the room and rejoin the party, but all they did was to continue to argue. This went on for almost an hour! Meanwhile, my dance floor was full! The MOB took both of them away to a private room to try to negotiate a settlement... it wasn't working. Finally it was time for the Farewell (last) dance. The MOB said to just "forget it" and end the party. I thought to myself... No Way! I couldn't allow the party to end on such a negative note. Without thinking, I said - "You need to tell them that in my contract, it states that they MUST complete their last dance --- or no one would be allowed to leave!" She looked at me, stunned and said... OK, I'll tell them. I couple of minutes later, they (the B&G) appeared - ready for their last dance. Everyone was shocked! We had prearranged to have everyone circle the dance floor, which they did, right on cue (What a great group!). Rather than playing the last dance song that was scheduled, I substituted the first dance song - with the voice drops of them telling each other how much they loved the other and how happy they were. It was like - "Oh yeah... that's why we're here!. It worked. You could watch the anger and frustration melt away. By the end of the song, they were holding each other closely and kissing. Whew! It was a happy ending after all.

Now my questions... I know that I went further than perhaps I should have in getting involved in their spat, but I had met with this couple three times and felt that I knew them pretty well and had their trust. In short, I cared about them on this important day and decided to take a chance to try and salvage the end of an otherwise perfect event. I got lucky and it worked - this time.

1. Should have I involved myself in the disagreement?
2. Was I wrong to assume such an important responsibility?
3. How would you have handled this situation?

You thoughts and ideas are appreciated - I can elaborate if you want more detail.
Jack Brown DJ / Entertainment
"We Make Memories"
www.jackbrowndj.com
"I am the ADJA!"

No trees were harmed as a result of this post..
However, thousands of electrons were horribly inconvenienced.
User avatar
jbrown157
Gold Circle Member
Gold Circle Member
 
Posts: 570
Joined: Sun Sep 26, 2004 7:12 pm
Location: Highland, MI

Re: How far do you go to help??? WWYD?

Postby DJ Scott » Mon May 01, 2006 1:54 pm

Boy that's a tough one. You knew the B&G well enough to take a chance and it worked.
I have done a WR years ago when the Groom yelled at the Bride (right on next to the dancefloor.) "I can have this annulled in 24 hours"! MOB was also involved. I quickly raised the volume level and hoped no-one else heard, but it was too late. The night ended early with both sides of the family in the lobby arguing.
Don't know what ever happened.
Sometimes you can't win.
Scott McKinney
Solid Sound Entertainment
Loveland, CO.
www.solidsoundentertainment.com
www.solidsoundbubbleparties.com
User avatar
DJ Scott
Active Member
Active Member
 
Posts: 207
Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2005 5:22 pm
Location: Loveland, CO

Re: How far do you go to help??? WWYD?

Postby Dave Miller » Mon May 01, 2006 2:26 pm

First: Congratulations on some very well executed "outside the box" thinking. It could have back-fired, but even if it did, how much worse could the event have ended? Not much...

jbrown157 wrote:1. Should have I involved myself in the disagreement?
2. Was I wrong to assume such an important responsibility?
3. How would you have handled this situation?
To answer your questions:

1 - You did not involve yourself. You merely put a stop to it, like so many parents of kids that are fighting, "I don't care who 'started' it. I'm ending it!"

2 - No. Somebody had to do something. But unlike the guests that will be with these people for the rest of thier lives, you (and other vendors and staff) were in a unique position. You could tell the B&G to shut the F up and stop behaving like children, and not worry that you wouldn't be able to look the person in the eye at the next family reunion. And you had the balls to actually do it.

3 - Not sure how I would have handled it. Never had an incedent like that at one of my weddings. But I sure will keep your story in mind if it ever happens.
Dave Miller Weddings
Reverend Dave Miller

Serving the Northern New Jersey area since 1983
Music For People With Taste
I am the ADJA!
User avatar
Dave Miller
Senior Gold Member
Senior Gold Member
 
Posts: 1405
Joined: Fri Oct 08, 2004 3:23 pm
Location: Pompton Lakes, NJ

Postby djdonny » Mon May 01, 2006 2:38 pm

As usual, I agree 100% with Teddy Bear.

Now, you need to contact them again to offer to act as their marriage counselor for the next five years.
User avatar
djdonny
Gold Circle Member
Gold Circle Member
 
Posts: 722
Joined: Sat Sep 04, 2004 9:23 pm
Location: Staten Island, NY

Postby Dave Miller » Mon May 01, 2006 4:22 pm

djdonny wrote:As usual, I agree 100% with Teddy Bear.

Now, you need to contact them again to offer to act as their marriage counselor for the next five years.
I hope you were joking. About the counselor part - not the 100% part.

It's like I said about what Jack did. It could have back-fired. But at least he'd be able to step out of their lives forever. Donny is suggesting that Jack step in.

I don't think I'd want to contact them, even to ask how things worked out, unless I was sure it would be a positive answer....
Dave Miller Weddings
Reverend Dave Miller

Serving the Northern New Jersey area since 1983
Music For People With Taste
I am the ADJA!
User avatar
Dave Miller
Senior Gold Member
Senior Gold Member
 
Posts: 1405
Joined: Fri Oct 08, 2004 3:23 pm
Location: Pompton Lakes, NJ

Postby TheBartman47 » Mon May 01, 2006 4:44 pm

At frist, when you said the groom was no where in sight and that someone had to go outside to find him, I thouht this was going to lead into one of those stories where the groom was caught messing with one of the brides maids or something. :shock: But anyway, if they're having blow-up fight issues like this already, I'd say it's 99.9% chance this marriage is already over before it's started. In the long run, it might have been best that they got an anullment then and there rather than divorce 5 years later and there's 2.5 kids to contend with. You or someone else isn't going to always be there to steer them back on path.
TheBartman47
Senior Gold Member
Senior Gold Member
 
Posts: 1379
Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2004 1:37 pm
Location: Denison, TX

Postby JR » Mon May 01, 2006 5:33 pm

IMHO, I think you're insight and creative thinking saved the day.

Regardless of whether you should have involved yourself or not, you did what you thought was right for the circumstances. Anyone who would fault you for doing so is void of compassion.

I'm just curious if any of the wedding party, family, or guests recognized the significance of what you did.

I'll mentally file your experience under "Lessons Learned". Should I return to doing weddings and such, I'm sure I will think of it hoping that I'm never faced with such a delema.
JR LaPorte
DHK DJ Service
Peoria, AZ
602-621-0329
User avatar
JR
Gold Circle Member
Gold Circle Member
 
Posts: 456
Joined: Thu Mar 11, 2004 1:54 pm
Location: Peoria, AZ

Re: How far do you go to help??? WWYD?

Postby jbrown157 » Mon May 01, 2006 6:27 pm

I was told by one of the Bridesmaids that the Bride does not ordinarally drink, but she was on this night which was probably a factor. I think it was a case of a Bride who had this vision of her "Ideal day" which did not include her new husband out hanging with the guys. Alcohol magnified the emotions.

Two of the Bridesmaids thanked us afterwards for "All we did". We also were thanked at the end by both mothers. My wife spoke with the MOB today because we found a pair of glasses that we think belonged to the bride. She referred to our performance as "Stellar" and thanked us over and over for "everything". She reports that all is well with the newlyweds who are preparing to go on their honeymoon. I am pretty sure they realize and appreciate our concern and actions.

BTW, I did not hear from the bride at the end but got a sheepish "Thanks and Great Job handshake" from an extremely embarrassed groom. I sincerely hope that this was a one-time thing and that all will be OK with them - they're really nice kids. I also hope they'll remember all of the good things that happened at their wedding and not dwell on the negative.
Jack Brown DJ / Entertainment
"We Make Memories"
www.jackbrowndj.com
"I am the ADJA!"

No trees were harmed as a result of this post..
However, thousands of electrons were horribly inconvenienced.
User avatar
jbrown157
Gold Circle Member
Gold Circle Member
 
Posts: 570
Joined: Sun Sep 26, 2004 7:12 pm
Location: Highland, MI

Postby djmc » Mon May 01, 2006 6:47 pm

Great job, Jack!

That sounds like a "once-in-a-career" situation, but you handled it wonderfully.
Non-cheesy Disc Jockey services for Sacramento WeddingsImage
User avatar
djmc
Senior Gold Member
Senior Gold Member
 
Posts: 1431
Joined: Mon Oct 13, 2003 2:21 am
Location: Sacramento, CA

Re: How far do you go to help??? WWYD?

Postby jwg » Mon May 01, 2006 7:51 pm

To say the least jack, absolute brilliance on your part! A wedding reception often involves split-second decision making. You definitely were at the top of your game that night! Congratulations!
User avatar
jwg
Gold Premium Member
Gold Premium Member
 
Posts: 1089
Joined: Wed Sep 15, 2004 3:56 am
Location: Erie, PA

Postby dokai » Mon May 01, 2006 10:18 pm

I can't congratulate you enough on your quick thinking and your willingness to try to do SOMETHING to put the pieces back together! GREAT job, Jack!
"You are what you do when it counts."
User avatar
dokai
Gold Premium Member
Gold Premium Member
 
Posts: 1173
Joined: Thu Feb 03, 2005 2:27 pm
Location: Richmond, RI

Re: How far do you go to help??? WWYD?

Postby TheBartman47 » Tue May 02, 2006 11:32 am

jbrown157 wrote:I was told by one of the Bridesmaids that the Bride does not ordinarally drink, but she was on this night which was probably a factor. I think it was a case of a Bride who had this vision of her "Ideal day" which did not include her new husband out hanging with the guys. Alcohol magnified the emotions.


Ah, that explains a lot then. Yeah, best thing to do in those situations is to try to smooth things out.
TheBartman47
Senior Gold Member
Senior Gold Member
 
Posts: 1379
Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2004 1:37 pm
Location: Denison, TX

Postby djdonny » Tue May 02, 2006 3:26 pm

I hope you were joking.


Of course. :wink:
User avatar
djdonny
Gold Circle Member
Gold Circle Member
 
Posts: 722
Joined: Sat Sep 04, 2004 9:23 pm
Location: Staten Island, NY

Postby djmc » Tue May 02, 2006 6:27 pm

Aw......shucks.........I thought it was going to become another "Upsell" for DJs: Marriage Counseling....LOL
Non-cheesy Disc Jockey services for Sacramento WeddingsImage
User avatar
djmc
Senior Gold Member
Senior Gold Member
 
Posts: 1431
Joined: Mon Oct 13, 2003 2:21 am
Location: Sacramento, CA

Re: How far do you go to help??? WWYD?

Postby jbrown157 » Tue May 09, 2006 12:29 pm

Update: Just received a nicely written letter from the B&G thanking us profusely for the way in which we handled their wedding, especially how we "skillfully mitagated the unfortunete hour-long situation in the other room".

They couldn't have been more pleased, and to prove it, they included a very generous gratuity (very generous indeed :shock: ). WOW!

I guess we made the right decisions afterall. The best thing is that they will look back fondly at their wedding day which beats the heck out of the alternative that they almost had. In retrospect, I would say that each event is unique and the actions taken have to be based on what you know about the clients and their situation. The more you know, the better decisions you can make.

...and they lived happily ever after!
Jack Brown DJ / Entertainment
"We Make Memories"
www.jackbrowndj.com
"I am the ADJA!"

No trees were harmed as a result of this post..
However, thousands of electrons were horribly inconvenienced.
User avatar
jbrown157
Gold Circle Member
Gold Circle Member
 
Posts: 570
Joined: Sun Sep 26, 2004 7:12 pm
Location: Highland, MI

Postby Dj Sean » Tue May 09, 2006 2:44 pm

That is an amazing story jbrown. That took guts and it paid off (literally LOL).

We all know that could have gone two ways either great as it did or as a horrible backfire and everyone hating the DJ.

I hope I never have to do that but odds are.........

I read this thread carefully because I think you handled it well and if I ever have to think fast like that, I just might have to copy your actions a little.
I pray I never have to.

What I couldn't stop thinking about is. If their fighting on their wedding day how long they gonna last? hmmm.

Well anyway another great save from a true pro.

**In fact I had a funny thought maybe you should start putting up SAVE stickers on your trailer or vehicle kinda like the KILL stickers fighter pilots use during war time. What ya think?
On Beat Productions
http://www.TheEventDj.com/
Professional DJ service for all of Northern California and Nevada.
User avatar
Dj Sean
Active Member
Active Member
 
Posts: 280
Joined: Sun Apr 16, 2006 12:35 am
Location: South Lake Tahoe, CA

Postby djmc » Tue May 09, 2006 4:08 pm

Wow........what a great ending to a great story!
Non-cheesy Disc Jockey services for Sacramento WeddingsImage
User avatar
djmc
Senior Gold Member
Senior Gold Member
 
Posts: 1431
Joined: Mon Oct 13, 2003 2:21 am
Location: Sacramento, CA

Re: How far do you go to help??? WWYD?

Postby jwg » Tue May 09, 2006 5:11 pm

Should the marriage not last, tell them you do divorce parties! :evil:
User avatar
jwg
Gold Premium Member
Gold Premium Member
 
Posts: 1089
Joined: Wed Sep 15, 2004 3:56 am
Location: Erie, PA


Return to Weddings & Formal Events

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron